It’s amazing how people get attached to a place even if they’re not aware of it. And it’s weird how even when you think you’re strong enough to manage a moving process and get over a place, and to keep everything under control, you find out that you’re just as unorganized, unprepared, and out of control, as any one else.

After a couple of crazy months of selling stuff, giving away stuff, packing stuff -and throwing A LOT of other stuff- I thought all I had to do was wait for a phone call from my husband telling me the visa was ready, arrange the reservation for my flight, say goodbye to family and friends, and then pack my remaining “essentials” in a couple of suitcases, and that would be it.

But then my husband called, told me that the visa is ready AND that the reservations were made for the NEXT day, and so I had only 24 hours left to do all the things I’ve saved on my last-minute to-do list.

10 hours after that phone call, this is how my list looked like:

1. book flight.
2. inform family & friends and say bye to whoever is available.
   
3. pack rest of belongings.
4. get the doctor to check on Adam’s health.
5. get necessary medications for Adam.
6. get snacks, and a couple of coloring books for Adam to keep busy during  flight.
7. charge mobile battery.
8. pay last electricity bill. (no time, give money to someone to pay it)
9. get traveling stamps.
10. print out  copy of the visa and the e-tickets.

I thought I was doing well, so I head to my last stop, a couple of really dear friends, and once I’ve arrived a thunderstorm began winds started going crazy, thunder even crazier, with occasional rain showers… it even hailed! And after a really nice chat, some snacks, and after they’ve printed out the visa and e-tickets for me, they ordered pizza. While waiting, it just hit me that even if I pack what I’m going to take with me the apartment will still be full of clutter and is not in a condition to be given to its owners… I started panicking, it was 10 p.m., my friends saw how I freaked out and they were like: “ok, we can’t leave you like this, why don’t we give you a hand, we’ve helped others in similar situations” and after a lot of arguing, the pizza arrived, they brought it along, we started our cars, and headed home.

I must admit that I was totally out of my mind to even THINK that I was able to manage this on my own, I mean the apartment was a MESS, it was empty yet full, I have no idea how’s that possible, but it was the case. Anyway, we squeezed everything into 2 suitcases, and managed to get rid of all the clutter, and threw the last garbage bag at 3 a.m. I really don’t know what I would’ve done without them.

We said goodbye, I watched them walk away, but still I didn’t feel like I’m actually leaving this apartment or not seeing my friends after that.

Adam got fever right after they left, so I basically slept only 2 noncontinuous hours,  then I had to head to the airport. I was closing the doors of the apartment I spent whole 5 years in, I didn’t believe I’m never gonna set foot in this place again;  I couldn’t believe I’m not going to drive our car again, or see the faces of my neighbors (which I didn’t get along with that well, but that’s not the point) again, or hear this accent again… and then I was like: Oh my God that’s it, I’m actually leaving!

On the way to the airport, I got so emotional, but I’m usually very good at hiding my emotions and controlling my tears (except when I’m around my family), so no one really noticed that I was aching inside, remembering when I left Jordan and my family, remembering the good times I spent in Tunisia, remembering every single detail -worth remembering that is- of the 6 years I lived in this country…

After an hour, I had to say bye to the family members who were present at the airport, and despite my good emotion-controlling skills, few tears managed to escape. It was really weird, as excited as I was to be finally reunited with my husband, and to begin a whole new stage of my life in a new country, I still felt sad for leaving Tunis, I felt sadder that I couldn’t see any of my own family members whom I miss so much.

I don’t think anyone really understood how I felt right then, or even realized these contradicting feelings splitting me apart from within, for even when I fail to hide how I felt and tears manage to escape, I’m usually good at letting no one notice…

A heavy handbag thrown on my shoulder, holding another handbag (and the tickets and the passports) in one hand, and my sick little Adam with the other; scanning faces, hearing my own heartbeat going louder and louder, turning a page full of memories scattered across the entire place;  I pulled myself together and marched inside to board my flight, with steady steps and focused eyes… and aching shoulders (blush blush), determined to enjoy every bit of the adventure that has just begun.