So last week was Adam’s first time experience with nursery. Before going there, I was fully aware of the big change that Adam will be experiencing and was well-prepared for the consequences… thanks to the internet, TV shows, parenting magazines, and the nursery’s Director of Education, who made it very clear that many children -as well as many parents- might suffer from ‘separation anxiety’ the first few days, not to mention having to deal with a strange environment, new people, and in Adam’s case, a new language…

We did have lengthy discussions with our son weeks before he actually went to nursery, in which we explained to him how things work and the new life he’s gonna be exposed to; we introduced him to the place and the people before he actually started, so it wont be very weird for him when he finally goes, and he looked really excited, but he always insisted on ignoring the part in which we stressed the fact that he’s gonna be left there alone with other kids and that we’d leave.

Day 1:

We were advised to explain to Adam that we’re gonna leave for a while and then come back to get him.

Us: ok Addouma, we’re going to leave now so you can play and enjoy yourself and make new friends, and then we’ll come back to get you, ok!

Adam: staring at us in shock.

Eman: just for a little while, daddy has to go to work, and I have to go home to work as well.

Adam: looking around.

MMM: ok son, I’m gonna leave now, you’ll be fine with your teacher and new friends ok!

A crying kid enters, he’s being dragged by his mom , Adam starts freaking out.

MMM: don’t be afraid, they’re all nice and they all love you so much.

Adam’s now playing with a toy the teacher gave him. It is to be mentioned that the teacher is such a sweetheart, so kind, and she did all she could and more to help make him feel comfortable.

MMM leaves, Adam looks to find me beside him, so he waves bye to his dad and continues playing.

Eman: ok, now daddy left to work, I have to go too.

Adam: no. Then he leaves his chair to take a look at the other toys.

I try to sneak out of the classroom. Adam points at an empty chair as to ask me to sit next to him.

Eman: I can’t my love, I have to go, this place is just for the teacher and other kids your age, I’m a grownup, I don’t belong here.

The crying kid is trying to open the door now in an attempt to follow his mom, with no luck of course. Adam runs to the boy, and accidentally sees his dad, who’s waiting for me outside. He laughs thinking his father is actually playing hide and seek with him… His father waves at him, then I go to get Adam and have him back in class.

At this point the teacher advised me to wait till he’s busy and then leave no matter what… these words made my heart beat really fast. But I had to do what she said, she’s the expert after all.  And it just occurred to me that no matter how well-prepared and strong you think you were, the thought of your child being afraid, or feeling too shy to ask for something, or seeing -or hearing- him cry, and having to leave him just like that, tears your heart apart.

Adam started playing, and he stopped watching where we were, although I went out of the classroom, I guess the poor thing thought I’m out playing hide and seek with daddy, or drinking coffee in the room next door, or he just couldn’t believe that we’d actually LEAVE him there. The teacher waved her hand to ask me to leave, and I went away, I didn’t cry, as many normal mothers do, I just felt overwhelmed, couldn’t really guess what was wrong with me, is it me fearing he would be upset I left him that way without saying bye, or is it me wondering whether he’d be ok or not, or is it me who’s suffering separation anxiety now!

You know the rest, I returned home -physically- but my mind and soul were still in the nursery, I blogged, and… I have a confession to make, I actually called the administration during the day to make sure everything was ok, felt so embarrassed but it was such a relief,  and then MMM went to get Adam and I couldn’t wait for him to come back.

As the teacher told my husband, Adam cried for a while, then he was ok, and that it’s normal for the first few days for kids to cry, not eat, and feel shy. I was hoping Adam would tell me lots of stories about his big day, but he didn’t, he just answered my questions, same ones his father asked him on his way back home, as I later knew. He gave us mixed signals and different answers, we couldn’t really work out whether he loved nursery or not, because he sounded like he enjoyed his day, and liked his teacher and friends, but he still cried!

Day 2: cried in the morning, didn’t eat well, had a fairly good day. He told his dad he wants to go again tomorrow, but told me he doesn’t want to, then he started singing what appeared to be some nursery rhyme I don’t know!

Day 3: cried again, ate a bit better, liked his day, came back home to tell both of us he wants nursery tomorrow, and to tell me that nursery food was not ‘yummy’ today, so I asked, what did you eat, he answered “shikan”, i.e. chicken.

Day 4: cried once again, ate a bit better, enjoyed his day, wanted daddy to get in and play with him, and told me that the pretty pink soap in nursery smells much better than the ugly white soap at home.

Day 5: stopped crying, still not eating very well, enjoyed his day, and didn’t want daddy to take him home. And told me : “Adam good boy, not naughty”, I asked why? he said: “because I am good”, I asked, of course you are, but what made them tell you so, did you eat all your food: “no”, then why? “because I am not naughty”.

And just when we were SO DAMN HAPPY he was enjoying his new life and getting used to it, Adam returned that day with a cold -that he apparently got from another kid- and had to skip nursery and stay home till this very day… but the important thing is, he finally got over his insecurity and adapted to the new routine, and I… well, I think, I hope, I have adapted to mine too.